My life has been a consistent yoyo in many ways. The greatest of all my yoyo’s has been my health. I’ve been fat and I’ve been fit. In truth though, mostly fat in my adult life. Consistent health has been a struggle if I am being brutally honest with myself. Excuses rather than reasons were my fallback and my main excuse was the super easy to blame genetics. Proclaiming I have bad genes and that I come from a family of ‘big boned’ islanders was my lame way of shying away from the reality. Truth is, most of family didn’t have bad genes, they had bad habits. It wasn’t the genes of poor metabolism, more so the genes of poor discipline and bad habits.
It sounds pretty damn harsh when you write it down, but it was the truth. On the verge of turning forty and a brooding mid life crisis (or as I like to call it “half way dead”), I was wasting my life away by eating shitty food and sitting on the couch consuming way too much of the idiot box. The turning point came when my darling wife sat me down one day and said something along the lines of: “I was looking at our wedding photo today and realised how much weight you had put on”. This simply crushed me. Those simple words struck a chord with me and sprung me into a world of shame. I felt like I let her down. I felt like I was letting my young family down by not considering that my life was also theirs.
I took the initial message to heart and in my head I interpreted as if my wife had said something like: “look I married this fit guy and now look at you, you fat slob”. This of course was how my mind computed feedback at the time and was misinterpreting her words and misconstruing them as negative, rather than words of care and concern. What she was actually worried about was my health and she had every right to feel that way. Having recently started a family I needed take care of myself so I could be there for them. We have a two year old daughter who is an absolute bundle of joy (most of the time, we’ve been fairly lucky).
At the rate I was currently going, turning forty wasn’t half way dead but more like two thirds of the way dead. If I didn’t make some drastic changes in my life, I was surely on the path to having my life cut short. The silliest part of it all is that it didn’t have to be that way. A simple realisation was that it was all in my head, I had a really poor mindset about my body and health. This was the motivation I needed to lift my game and commence my journey down the path of changing my mindset and developing habits that were not temporary, but absolutely life changing.
The hardest part was jumping on the scales to face my reality. I braced myself, stepped upped to this industrial strength scale that was at my gym. I opened one eye and there was the number punching me right in the face. I had blown out to 127 kilograms (I am 6 feet tall). This was the most I had weighed in 13 years. Yes I had been here before. Hence the title, end of the yoyo.
Having grown up a fairly slender kid, when I became an “independent” adult and began to earn some money, my first round of bad life habits kicked in. From the age of 17, which was my last year of high school and the year I was struck down by a rare kidney disease. I left the hospital just two weeks into my senior year weighing around 75 kilograms. By the time I was 25 years old, I had turned myself into a regular sumo, clocking the scales at 137 kilograms. While this is a chapter of my life which needs further exploration, I was able to accomplish a monster effort. In around a 6 month period, I was able to lose the equivalent of a Backstreet Boy and bring my body weight down to 85 kilograms.
But back to those scales….. here I was in shock and the realisation a major relapse. Looking back down at those scales and thinking, what have I done? I knew I had put on some weight over the previous 12 month but had no idea how much it had really crept away. I was floating around the 100 kilogram mark for a while and I guess a combination of many factors multiplied out to end up in this super depressing situation.
Moving to a sedentary job, which I had to drive to rather than my regular mode of transport from the past three years of riding a push bike to work didn’t really help. There was also the stress of the job. It was really taxing on me and I turned to food for comfort. A finer point to this stage in life was that I was following a vegan lifestyle during that weight gain. This also, another story.
Now a few months into this new journey I have found a new path of life. While I am far from reaching my goal weight. I have made some drastic changes in my life and a lot of that comes down to the power of mindset and designing the way I wanted to think and constantly practicing and focusing on this mindset. This leads me to this new blog that I have created on mindsets, designing them and understanding that it is absolutely your choice on what you think and how you act.
It’s been a very long time since I have had this sense of focus and drive and I would really like to share it with the world. I have become a massive advocate for the power of thought and mindset creation. While it is just the commencement of my journey it is well and truly the answer to things in my life aligning to the right outcomes. With the right mindset, I believe it easy to achieving anything. So please join me as I take you through my mindset journey on my blog Mind by Design.
“You have to be willing to go to war with yourself and create a whole new identity.” David Goggins