People often wonder is self-confidence a skill and how do we learn it. Are you motivated to be more confident? Or are you too scared of what others might think about you if you were to try and change that fact?
Is self confidence a skill?
Can we develop more self-confidence? Or is it more like a natural state we all end up in?
According to the recent study by Erin and G. Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard University, self-confidence may not be a skill that can be developed. They think it is simply an outcome of our experiences, which can also be seen as situations we have been in before.
That’s an interesting insight, given it is about other situations in life in general rather than in one specific case. If you look at the past year, when you have been particularly confident or not, were you in a particular situation? It is an example of how when it comes to self -confidence are are situations when we are more confident and when we are less confident.
10 ways to learn about self-confidence
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s see what can be done to develop self-confidence if it isn’t something that is just there.
1. Try new things
If you have been sitting on the fence for a long time about certain things, then often it’s a good idea to try something different. Try taking a new class for example or going on a new favorite website.
2. Be open to failing and being ok with it
If you are not open to failing, you can’t really try new things. It’s good to be afraid of failing of course, but the more you are scared of failing, the less likely it is that you try new things. Also don’t feel down on yourself for failing at something that doesn’t matter too much.
3. Practice being in confrontational moments
If you practice, you will get better at this particular skill. Anticipate a situation that might be a bit confrontational for you and then prepare a few things to say. You can even write them down in advance so when the moment comes you have something prepared.
4. In the words of Nike. Just do it.
If you have never experienced the power of just going out there and doing it, then try now. Stop the procrastination, experience some vulnerability. I mean what’s the worse that can happen really? Put yourself out there and watch as it all unfolds.
5. Understand the fear and excitement that comes with things
Be honest with yourself if you feel excitement and pleasure when it comes to trying something new? Like I said, most people do. It’s not always about what results in you get from something, but rather the process of getting there. Sometimes we talk about dreams as if they are things we can achieve. But really our dreams are the things we want to do and we won’t be able to unless we try and fail at them frequently enough to get better at it.
6. Analyze the situation from various angles
In order to make good decisions, you need to analyze a situation from different perspectives. In other words, you need to see the big picture and not just what is right in front of your nose. But how do you do this? How do you get the right perspective? Well, it does take some time, but you can learn to do this by practising.
There are three things to keep in mind. First, you can imagine yourself as other people or situations. Second, you can imagine people who would be the best to know the situation and third, you can imagine what other people say about it. This is because other people might have other perspectives than your own. It’s the same reason why messengers are so important in business to get messages across without getting lost in details.
7. Practice stoicism
This is about being able to let things go and focus on the bigger picture and not just what is happening at the moment. This is extremely important for self-confidence because if you stress over every little thing, you will drive yourself crazy. Instead, learn to relax and be confident even though parts of your life or situations might not pan out as expected.
8. Practice a who gives a f&%k attitude
This is about not caring about what other people think and you could apply this to many areas of life. If you stop thinking, “who could this hurt?” and fill in the blank with every little thing, you will become a lot more confident because you don’t care about what other people think. Now of course we need to be careful here because there are situations where we should show some concern for the feelings of others, but also it’s important not to worry about that beyond a limit.
9. Do things that you are good at
By practising things that you are good at and then finding ways to improve at it, you will get better and better. Take some time every day to do things that you are good at. This can be anything from playing a sport, doing a craft or doing something with your hands like playing an instrument or cooking.
Also if you are not good at things, it’s about finding ways to develop the skills that are there. We all have skills that are underdeveloped, so make sure you do some exercises for them. Otherwise, it will be hard to become more confident.
10. Dont worry about the things that you aren’t good at.
Nobody is good at everything, so worrying about this is a complete waste of time. Instead, do things that you are good at and find ways to improve the things that you aren’t. If you fail at something don’t worry about it because there is always a way to improve yourself.
Self-confidence is a combination of skills that we have as well as those that we have not developed yet. To sum it up, confidence can be developed from many angles and I hope this list will be helpful as a place to start from.